…. so I started this blog as with every new venture full of excitement and inspiration, in my minds eye I saw myself have new and insightful things to write about every week, and would end up writing a weekly column in the Sunday Supplements, and be invited onto every hip new podcast going, maybe a novel? Why not every one else seems to.
In my heart I know I have a an eight week life span for most projects, from historical analytical data, that’s eight weeks from start to finish, so I’m half way through. Maybe…
In the earlier course of life I had ideas which I would put in escrow, all for another day when I wasn’t so busy grappling with an active and full dramatic life, but now what I have is the thoughts themselves, in the cold hard light of the today, do or die, there is no more time to put things off, there are no active relationships to take up my energy.
What’s interesting about failure Elizabeth Day?
I guess this is the point at which in another life completing projects and have some results would have bolstered my self esteem. I don’t feel as if I did, although that is a clearly subjective and not necessarily true. When I muster the courage to speak these words aloud to someone I am shot down in flames with a litany very true and real accomplishments…..ummm, yeah I gave up some pretty big opportunities though, which I just cant seem to cut ties with, emotionally taunting me with their Paradise Lost-ness.
Slipping away has great allure for the difficult stage in a project. You can turn your back on it and get on with the other life, as simple as that.
However what stops that happening for lots of people is some kind of support and encouragement. I’m not talking about the outliers here people, we all know someone who thrives in what ever conditions they are in, motivated, driven….. but most of us need a network, a blueprint tested or a precedent witnessed, when things reach a certain stage of development. Or an existential crisis takes hold.
Often what stops me is a quest for perfection or “bestness” but really unveiled that’s more about not really thinking what I’ve done is good enough, or will be successful or well received.
Clearly I am a “glass half empty” kind of gal. But also maybe just a really fast thinker.