Turns out we don’t all live forever and other happy endings…and this is the cycle of life, and natural, but I do wonder what to do when I get up now…..
Should I bother? The question I am facing is this:
When all has been stripped away, the husbands the children the ambition the future, however you found yourself here, and whatever age, you must feel what was the point? Or more domestically what IS worth doing?
I look at my son, home from Uni (✔️) who’s life couldn’t be further away from me than it is in time and space, yet like two photons at the start of the Big Bang heading out into the billions of years separation we still respond in unison,very quantum,✔️
Yet his coming and going is very unsettling, our time is done in the physical world, I can barely make it to the bathroom let alone engage with him in the outside world. After a week of action he’s restless and off early back to his life (✔️)((sad face)) …… and for the first time in 20 years or so I didn’t care if I made us food or not and it was with heavy heart that I experienced that lack of motivation.
Like a rock sinking down into the darkness in a swirling sense of regret, that incorporated every last ambition and dearly held belief and ritual.
The veil of food preparation as love was disabused. Well modified at least.
So back to the question, left to my own devices, on waking I engage the other hidden entity, buried deep within the folds of that deep veiling: the engine, the heartbeat, the light which has shone on undiminished by ignominy or exile. Forgotten , ignored, now resurrected. What does she suggest I do?
If I listen really carefully to that tiny whispering voice I have an authentic day. Even on a bad day!✔️