# No.1 Reflections again

So where do we go from here? After a couple of months of blogging (as predicted) I’ve reached the end of my long moan about the hard times, difficulties and challenges, and apart from banging on about my domestic trouble and strife I’m going to have to find the reason I’m doing this again.

At its core was the need to respect and revere my self, my story. Being chronically ill and feeling I had no value and processing the whole new world of debilitating illness had made me realise how little self esteem I had to start with. I was still a mum, social justice cheerleader, artist, cook, life long learner, so where did the lurking sense of failure come from. Somewhere deep that’s for sure, so I went there, and came back, a Return from the Bewilderness no less.

(Write , write what you know they advise. Well what I didn’t know is how I, a chronically sick, disabled woman , mother, sister, daughter , aunty and global citizen fit in to the grander scheme of things.)

As I get to know other chronic bloggers I slowly see their intentions and underlying interests, be it churchy, or cathartic, or prescriptive and helpful, money makers too and so I guess mine is in modern parlance, gender bias, which is appropriate considering the heavy burdens all humans endure whatever their sexual roles within a society supported by social institutions which support irrational human behaviour. Phew that was a long sentence.

So Fun Fact . Eight people control over half the accumulated money, (wealth, capital ) shared by the rest of the seven billion people with whom they share the planet…in our capitalist economic system money talks, and if one of the eight farts in their luxurious easy living space it can cause a fucking tsunami on the other side the world.

Now that kind of makes sense when you see the untold poverty at one end of the spectrum and rich lives at the other. I’ve always found great comfort in the irrefutables in life, and one we really can’t refute anymore is that if 80% of the world, that huge global ball we all share with equal rights and claim just by being born on it surely, live on less than $10 a day and the 20% left (yes that’s us folks) the trans-national middle classes of the world, then something has gone very, very wrong.

So my question is, who does all this misery and suffering and starvation and climate catastrophe, and inter-generational malnutrition and poor mental health serve? Sure as shit ain’t me or anyone I know, and that’s including the fact that just by living in the UK I am part of the 20%, competition is fierce, especially at the virtual borders, where people know they can be sucked down in to the 80% or zoom up, you just have to put your head down and do what it takes.

I have no interest in personal attacks and when venture capital demands open unregulated access to all the worlds resources at any cost its about good business sense under the current model, getting a decent return on investment. Even petty criminal Joe Bloggs down the pub gets that. Duh!

So from whatever standpoint you have personally taken to assimilate the truth that eight people ensure their survival by any means necessary, causing the completely unnecessary darkness in most peoples lives, and by most I mean all of us, including them, you have to admit that they tied it all up pretty darn tight. Touché, Kudos or whatever and far from being complacent about how it’s gods will (really?) or individual personal responsibility(ha!!) perhaps we could start seeing what is and how it really could be quite easily turned around.

Man made structures and systems can be dismantled as easily as mantled, and put back together to work for all, or well most, or at least with some compassion.

We are all magic, we are all giants, we come in pieces… Julia (yes me)