Inception

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I am beginning to realise that my memories are not wholly my own as I share them on this blog, extruded into the biosphere I am reminded of details I had forgotten or mislaid, or filed under NOT currently important, sometimes “no it wasn’t like that, it was like this”. This has been a welcome poke, and an irritating incursion into my version of my reality, (paradox alert). When I am inspired to write a post it is usually one tiny fragment of memory , a fleeting glimmer in the minds eye of an experience I had, while jaunting around life. Then like an old fashioned pink sugar floss spinner I whirligig it up on a stick to go.

When I go on to explore it further I’m always surprised at where it takes me. A completely holistic account is undesirable, like a literal truth, as I am chasing moods and feelings which are picked from the smorgasbord of my own making to express something truly my own . Other peoples memories of the experiences shared with me are solely theirs. Gosh this sounds like a bit of a moan…but…no I like all the feedback, what ever it makes me feel, the twisting and reflection it can cause is healthy and welcome, so thanks one and all, but it leads on to another similar dynamic.

it reminds me that when listening to others the/my ego just can’t help but insert itself; try to muscle in and take over (instead of being an exploration of the storytellers experience, it veers off too soon to the “listener “… )

A poignant example is in my parenti role, my child would be expressing their self, often unhappily, and I would leap up to “Dial that down to Perfect“, all in the blink of an eye. Result; boy shut down, the feeling he was so tenderly trying to express trampled in motherly love, protection and guilt? No question about it. Self serving Motherfucking guilt. I feared hearing his words. Those little drops of magical nectar which recalibrate relationships, soak into the psyche, refreshing healing old wounds and fears and incursions. From our narcissistic child selves to emotionally intelligent light beings all in the blink of an eye.

(Turned out I needn’t have worried tho’ he thinks I did a great job)

Published by julia

Hi. My name is Julia, I live with a lung disability, causing all kinds of physical hurdles, and to be honest I am just trying to reach the end of each day with a sense of personal meaning and accomplishment. This blog is part of that goal, a human satellite spitting out data. I really look forward to hearing something back!

8 thoughts on “Inception

  1. Been reading with interest this and your last post. They seem connected, lots of wandering and lovely writing. Keep it up, Dawn

    Like

  2. This sentence is…perfect….

    “I feared hearing his words. Those little drops of magical nectar which recalibrate relationships, soak into the psyche, refreshing healing old wounds and fears and incursions. From our narcissistic child selves to emotionally intelligent light beings all in the blink of an eye.”

    So insightful…so much about what it is like to be human.

    This is the kind of writing which you do so well. In just a few sentences, you have told so very much.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thats really wonderful feedback. Thank you so much. I love that you get it and share that with me. You know what’s it’s like out here in bloggingland. I really hope all is well with you and would love to hear how you and yours are doing in the blog. Cheery bye chick chick.

      Liked by 1 person

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